I know that the state of being broken is one that everyone dreads and it would be unwise to bring yourself back to that state ever again. You may not have 100% control over whether it would happen again or not. But you do have a larger percentage of the chance to bring it to its barest minimum. God has the ultimate control but He has also given you wisdom to avoid such circumstances. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to wait. Wait long enough to heal very well before you think of jumping on to the next train of relationship.

Beryl had a boyfriend, Pierre, and she adored him so much. The feeling was mutual as her boyfriend confirmed and affirmed his love for her every minute and every second of the day. They would talk several times in a day and paid each other regular visits. Now, bedding came before the wedding and things went sour between them. Eventually, they had to break up.

Beryl was so devastated at the turn of events and couldn’t stand the loss of the relationship she so much cherished. The pain was so unbearable for her that, she looked for a way to salvage her pain. She looked for a quick fix for her temporary overwhelming feeling of resentment, bitterness and sorrow. Within a few weeks she had accepted Quayson’s proposal and they were dating. She seemed happy again. Within a few months, the new relationship was on rocks again and she was so devastated. She was back to square one.

She could have waited to heal from all the hurt, blame and unforgiveness and bitterness before moving on. But she was in a hurry to get rid of the pain, so much so, that Quayeson became her emotional pain killer. Quayeson grew tired of always having to be the one to mop up the mess some other man created in Beryl’s life and that was how he began to lose interest in the relationship.

Many of us are like Beryl. We look for a quick fix for the pain we are going through after we are broken rather than going through the actual process of waiting to heal gradually. We are afraid of being alone. This has constantly been the cause of our many relationship ordeals. Until we learn to properly wait to be healed before we jump on to the next relationship, we make rash decisions and end up disappointed. This is because the state in which our mind is, isn’t the best for it to make really sound decisions. It doesn’t afford us the serenity to look out for and ask all the necessary questions before going on with the new person and this costs us dearly in the end.

Learn to wait. There is something the Bible teaches us in Isaiah 30:41about waiting:

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

(King James Version (KJV))

For the eagle to regain its strength after living forty years of its life, it has to go through a painful waiting period of five months, plucking off its talons and feathers. When the eagle is able to go through this painful process, it will live thirty more years. But if it doesn’t, it dies at forty. When you wait long enough, you will be renewed and refreshed. You gain new wisdom and knowledge to be able to identify what went wrong so that you can bounce back wiser in your next relationship.

A relationship is a walk into marriage and into the fulfilment of divine purpose. This kind of walk needs a lot of patience, and a lot of work both physically and spiritually to be able to arrive at your God-given destination. If you do not learn patience through waiting for the right and appropriate timing of God, then there is no way your relationship walk is going to end well. This is not to say that those who wait have it easy. No! No relationship is easy. But with the right conditions in place you face less challenges. In fact you are able to avoid the avoidable challenges all together when you wait patiently and in the right way.

I pray for you, that you do not feel delayed when God asks you to wait. May you find peace when the Lord is giving you rest from all the stress you knowingly or unknowingly put yourself.

Best regards,


Last week we looked at some of the things you need not do whiles you are working on your healing after being broken. Let’s look at what to do next.

The next thing I would like you to check is your daily routine that would take you a thousand steps closer to the freedom from the state of being broken. First of all, personal worship time, personal prayer time, personal Bible study time is really critical in this state. In fact you need to push yourself to do these. When you find yourself broken, most of the time, you cannot bring yourself to do these things with ease as your spirit is quite wounded. But hear this, these daily routines are priceless healing tools for your state.

Meditate on the word of God each day just as Joshua 1:8 prescribes. You would find this Bible verse really helpful for meditation; Isaiah 26:3. All you need at this moment is to keep your focus on God and allow Him to heal you in all the broken parts of you.

Also you would find music an amazing tool that helps to sooth your soul and spirit. Do not go a day without listening to a song that inspires and motivates you through your day. Please avoid songs that will continually remind you of your pain. Listen to GOSPEL music. I am stressing on gospel music because you cannot have enough of the word of God in this state.

Also read books, mostly Christian literature, to help you in your quest. This does two things; It builds up your knowledge base and then it helps you keep your mind off the thoughts that cause you pain.

Engage in fun activities with friends and family. You can confide in a few family and or friends whom you believe will “understand” your situation because sometimes all you really need is a listening ear and an unjudgemental eye to help you through this. Give yourself treats every now and then, pamper yourself to good food, amazing outings, gifts and new clothes. Change your environment if you can afford a few days off work or school.

Keep the memories of the other party as far away as possible. I know you may miss their company, but try as much as you can to “avoid” any encounter with them or anything that belongs to them. Avoid items and things that reminds you of them, else your progress in healing may retard or slack. You may suffer a relapse that may take longer for you to get back on your feet.

I wish you the very best in this quest of true healing. You may try everything I have given out in this write up and still fail if you do not acknowledge God and be totally dependent on Him for your healing as you work out everything humanly possible to live past your pain, your fears,anxiety, depression and bitterness.

Finally, whatever you do, don’t ever throw a pity party for yourself. You are stronger than you think you are.

Best regards



I have said in my previous post that when we feel our heart is broken, it is not broken because of a human being but broken unto God to make use of it. But then most of the time you find yourself in a state where it is hard to see things the way God does. It is hard to handle the pain and this makes you believe and think as the world thinks, that your heart is broken.

What do you do then? How do you move past the pain and hurt, guilt and regret, unworthiness, depression, anxiety and bitterness? How do you stop thinking too unnecessarily and move on. That is what I am going to help you do today. And I know also that God will help and guide you through.

I must say, it is not something you can overcome in a day, neither can you in weeks. It takes a conscious effort put in by you, daily, to achieve the goal of freedom from hurt, and forgetting people that hurt you and holding your peace. It may even take years. How fast you heal depends on you, actually, and no one else.

The best thing u can do for yourself is to remain calm and be determined to help yourself before whatever you are feeling kills you. Yes! You can die from it, so do all you can to overcome it because I need you alive.

The first step into gaining your freedom is to forgive. Forgive yourself first, forgive whoever hurt you and that is when you can be sure you have began the real journey of freedom from being broken. Unforgiveness is a burden on you alone and not on the person who has hurt you. You feel that being cold towards them is a punishment to them but it is funny how you don’t realise you are freezing your own self in the process. I haven’t seen a refrigerator feeling warm after keeping its content cold.

Free your mind and refute any negative wish and thought for that person who hurt you. Make a conscious effort to forgive him or her from your heart. You may say with your mouth you have forgiven them, but the heart they broke clings itself to memories of the hurt and pain and how much you cannot let go. This makes you say things like, “I forgive you but I cannot forget what you have done” and that is obviously not forgiveness. If you do not learn to consciously forget, those thoughts will become the poison that feeds your spirit and kills it slowly. You can become sick and bring many diseases to your body. It makes you worry. It makes you sad and these things can send you to your forefathers quicker than poison. Please do not invite yourself to your grave when God hasn’t planned to do that yet.

Another thing that keeps the pain of brokenness lingering is the act of blaming. You may think your heavy heart feels light when you blame the whole incident on the other party. But let me open your eyes to a certain truth. Actually, taking responsibility for your own actions makes your heavy heart lighter. If you learn to take responsibility for your wrong choices, or all the stuff you did wrong or probably how much you took the other party for granted at certain points in the relationship, you will be less egoistic about taking stock and filling up the loopholes in order to make you become better in your next relationship.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying you should blame yourself for your broken state, no!; I am saying that you should take responsibility for your actions and inactions, sit back and be objective about the whole situation. It is only then that you would start to feel much better. Most people take too long in healing because it is so difficult for them to come to this realisation and acceptance.

Now I would pause here to allow you to digest this for a while. Let’s Look at the remaining points next week. Do let me know how the first set of tips are aiding you in your journey in the comments section.Kindly like the post and share to as many as you can reach with this knowledge.

All the best to you

Best Regards



There are so many reasons why a relationship may not work out. Some may be personal decisions, and others may be third party interference. The third party may be friends, family, coworkers and so on. Distance can also cause a natural collapse of a relationship. Sometimes it happens suddenly. At other times, you may read certain signs that point to an end of a relationship but may ignore them due to the fact that you do not want to hurt your partner or be hurt.

Whichever way it is, a break up is never an easy thing and can lead to very dire consequences. It is neither easy for the initiator nor the one receiving the bad news. It is so difficult that sometimes, a lot of people find it hard to voice their final decision to end everything. But in my view, I think it is more tormenting to leave a person to read the signs on the wall and try to figure things out than simply letting them know how you truly feel and letting them go in a way that leaves less pain in their hearts. But do not forget that, no matter how simple a break up may look, there will always be an amount of pain lurking on either sides so be thorough in your thoughts before you finally launch out to make your decision known.

Believe it or not, there are situations where the pain of a break up is greater even on the one who initiates it. It may be that their expectations were not met or the other party is not really what they would want for a life partner due to some findings the relationship brought up. One of the consequences of a break-up is a state I call “Broken”.

You may feel down, hurt and unappreciated. At other times you feel wasted and unworthy. You would actually want to vanish from the surface of this earth or probably be away on a far away land where no one knows you, just so you get another chance to start life all over again. You may even wish not to set eyes on whoever has caused you that much pain. There are days when a shower is even a chore. Keeping yourself clean and eating well is a burden. Your heart beats faster than usual. Your breathing is heavier in your chest than you can carry. You feel light weighted and it feels as if the world is crashing in on you. Your appetite has run away from you and you do not know when it will be back. If you are not careful, you would begin to nurture hate and bitterness towards the other party.

You may turn paranoid and suspicious of everyone. Your trust is broken and you are in despair because you fear it cannot be mended. All these point to one thing, you are BROKEN. Some prefer to call it Broken-heart but I simply say broken because you realise that you are broken in many parts of yourself and not only your heart. Broken because many parts of your body and various aspects of your life are affected by this Broken state of your being. Sometimes it even affects your productivity. You could run a loss of job, family or even life in its totality.

But I have something to say to you. This can only happen if you allow a broken relationship to break you. Have a different reason to be broken, other than let a person affect you this way. Do not accept that your heart is broken but that you are broken for the Lord.

Be broken because God broke you to slow you down a bit and not that man decided to hurt you. You probably were running too fast. God will never watch you end up permanently in a relationship that will pull you away from Him and alter your destiny. If you disobey and continue to be in such a relationship, He can leave you to your will and permit you anyway. But consequence is yours alone to suffer. Be broken because it is bringing you back on your knees to God. It is bringing you back to Him so that you acknowledge Him(Proverbs 3:6) and let Him know that you are sorry you did not seek His face first before taking that step that crashed you. “Broken” because that is what God wants to use to His glory(Psalm 51:17)He will never despise a broken and a contrite heart. This is the only state that shows true repentance unto God.

Do not view your situation as a moment of grief because someone disappointed you in one way or the other. Even if you sought God’s permission, you probably could not wait for Him to confirm or otherwise. So relax. Draw near to God. He needs you back again, this time round, fully and broken, the right way, so He can have you all to Himself and mend you. So he can get your attention again because you gave it all out and left Him with no choice at all.

After an episode of “brokenness” you need to watch out and not repeat your past mistakes. You may have not made a mistake in its total sense. Things just could not work out. Maybe you were not meant for each other. Your brokenness is to help you reflect and analyse the whole situation and see how best to bounce back in full strength and wisdom in order not to suffer the same situation. Guard your heart. Do not fall in love anyhow but do so with caution, knowing that you have really prayed about it and the Lord has given you the green light. Be sure also not to awaken love before it is due(Songs of Solomon 8:4). The word of God should be your guide in making a choice too. Go into the word, find answers and allow God to help you in your next step. All of this takes time so be patient and wait on God for His right timing and you would realise how much trouble you would have saved yourself if you had walked that path right from the start.

I would also like to encourage you to pray ahead into your future relationship and marriage. Study all you can on Godly marriage and relationships while you wait for your turn. It is the best recipe to avoid all forms of trouble. In my next post, I would take you through how you can live past the pain and get over the person and the break up so watch this space.

And then watch out for me on Gye Nyame 94.5 FM as I host “Ɔdɔ Turom” (The Love Garden) very soon. It is a marriage and relationship program organised by Media Heritage Consult in conjunction with Gye Nyame FM. This program will enlighten and equip you with the tools of a God-centred relationship and marriage. It is quite different from the usual. You can’t miss out. I will keep you posted.





It is so easy to spell out point blank what kind of a man or woman one would want to be with, especially if one plans to spend the rest of his or her life with that person. I hear a lot of people say they want a partner who doesn’t cheat, or one who isn’t jealous, or one who would respect and understand them and be so caring and sensitive to their needs physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Some would say they need a partner who is well mannered, one who loves kids and is kind and generous. One who pampers and treats them like a king or queen. It is not wrong to be clear on who you want for a spouse but there is something you need to know.

You really do not need to look for that “perfect” person to fit in your description of a preferred partner. Guess what? You have to work on becoming that “perfect” person you desire to have and then soon you would realise it is so easy to relate to that person you hope to have because you would both share the same values and even the differences between you are a complement to each other. Yes! How would you know the quality you look out for is real if you yourself do not possess that quality? There is an Akan adage that translates “it is only a witch, that can make out another witch when she sees one”.

While you wait to meet the “perfect” candidate for a spouse, or while you are with them and waiting on them to behave in a certain way that makes you feel comfortable and happy, work on becoming who you want to see in them and be exactly that way and see the miracle you would receive. You want them to be sweet? Work on becoming sweeter. You want them to be caring? Work on becoming more caring too. In relationships, you must be ready to give without expecting any reciprocation. Receiving is not automatic. Imagine how wonderful it would be if your spouse is also working on becoming who he or she wants to see in you? Relationships would be much safer, and less difficult.

Note that our perfect example as Christians, is Christ. Our whole walk with God is focused on us becoming like Christ. We are His bride and we will not see Him on “that day” until we have become like Him(1 John 3:2). Even though we do not know what Christ will look like on “that day” , we still believe that as we work on becoming like Him here on earth we will be exactly like Him when He appears. God’s word instructs us unto that. In that same manner, you might not know what your spouse would look like or be like, or you might not know what they will end up like as you are with them, but you should know that, when he or she finally shows up, you both would be like each other, embracing each other whole heartedly without fear(1 John 4:18)because you sought to work on becoming the best(like Christ) in your separate worlds, before you even meet to start a relationship.

Think through this carefully. Could it be that you haven’t met “the one” yet, because you have not become what you want to see in them? Or even if you are with them already, could it be that you are not seeing what you need to see in them yet because you have not yet come to a place of deciding to become what you want to see in them? Could it also be that God hasn’t brought “the one” who would complement you yet because they are still preparing to be who you would love to see in them? Love is full of sacrifices and compromises. Have you made up your mind to do so as you expect your spouse or future spouse to be?

Change is possible but then do not dwell so much on the fact that you want it by all means. Sometimes when you become all u need to see in your partner and still cannot bring him or her to that state of wanting to reciprocate, willingly, accept their difference and respect them for who they are. Don’t rush it or push for them to change over-night. Each one of us were raised differently and so it is understandable that we might all not behave in the same way. I pray for you, that as you work on becoming like Christ, and also as the one you are preparing to find is working on becoming like Him too, may all the lines of that relationship fall into a pleasant place.

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It’s interesting sometimes, how all of a sudden, some partners from a past ‘bad’ relationship become so caring and loving and want to be there for you always even though they never really cared in the past. Have you paused to ask yourself the real reason it is so? And have you taken the pain to find out what they actually hope to achieve by being nice to you at this point when the relationship is over?

Sometimes the relationship might not have been bad. Things just could not work out. But somehow you find yourself becoming close friends with your ex. You discuss everything from how your day has been to the state of your current relationship. You are tempted to believe that you might need their help one day so you need not shun them. But can you also try to pray and believe God to send you help when you need it most?

I agree that some exes are genuinely concerned about you. But take this from me, most of the time, that ex who is suddenly being nice has a hidden agenda. You might not agree with me but it is the reality. Most of the time they do not do it on purpose but it is the human in them.

If you have problems with your current partner and you tell your ex how unhappy you are because of how the relationship is going, he would try to comfort you and make you feel okay but deep down his or her heart it is a joy to know that somehow things are not working out well in your current relationship so that you can have a reason to miss him or her at least. He would have the chance to see you regret leaving him or her behind and that is “sweet” revenge. He did not have to do anything to see you suffer. 🙂

Then again, some exes hang around because of their guilty conscience. Yep! They know they were not fair to you in the past relationship and they are feeling guilty. So to save their face and appease their conscience they try to be there for you and be all nice just to be sure you do not take it out on them negatively. Even with this he or she would not miss an opportunity to taste your honey comb.

I have seen beautiful budding relationships shattered due to ex issues breeding mistrust. I have seen people elevating and dignifying their exes more than their current partners and that has posed a lot of problems in a lot of relationships and even marriages.

Have you also thought about issues of intimacy? Keeping exes as friends is a recipe for unfaithfulness, disloyalty and worst off, infidelity. You are only cooking up your break up or divorce and it will be ready in no time for consumption. If you have ever been intimate with your ex before breaking up with them, it would be so easy and comfortable to slip under their blankets once in a while to enjoy what you have been missing for a long time.

Getting back in touch with exes sparks up feelings that have gone dormant for a while. Ever wondered why the saying goes “old flames are the easiest to spark”? Ponder over that. What will happen eventually is that you would have to hide the existence of your ex just to be able to keep your partner on the blind side of issues so you can do “things” with your ex and you already know how that story ends.

Some exes would deliberately hang around, to keep you company and be there for you, run silly errands and be whatever you want them to be and wouldn’t mind if once in a while things get heated up and you “mistakenly” have sex. They would actually, cunningly, create that atmosphere to make it conducive for a “mistake” of a sort. They might try to apologize but it is a cycle. It will never end. They will end up doing it over and over again and keep apologizing until it becomes normal to you then you would have no choice than to go with the flow.

It is very easy to cheat or have a fling with your ex than with a new person all together because your ex has already seen your nakedness in the past so there would be nothing to want to cover up, to be shy of or afraid of.

I am just letting you know that, no matter how comfortable you are with your ex and how much you trust him or her, it is a bad idea to keep them around as friends or even as far as keeping them as best friends. You have to stay away to protect them and also yourself. Their presence in your life can affect your current relationship or even be a reason you do not want to move on into a new relationship. Exes should remain in the past because that is where they belong. Just leave them there because there is a reason they landed that position in the first place. Keep that reason in mind. If you ever forget that reason you would be taken for granted.

Things do not usually get better when old relationships are revived. Most of the time the issues that resulted in the first break up still lurks and haunts the relationship no matter how many times you try to get together. So be careful. The closest they can get is to be acquaintances. Your ex is not your enemy but he or she cannot be your pal either. Be nice when you meet him or her. Just a simple “hello, how are you?” won’t hurt. But let it remain there because no matter how strong you are, you would always have a weakness or two(check what happened to Sampson in Judges 16) and your ex might be the only one who knows your weakness. What if he or she capitalizes on that?

Be vigilant and cautious that you do not fall into the trap of keeping up with your ex because if you get stuck in that “web”, it would be hard to come out and it would make you miserable and very confused. Jesus said: “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62) If you have moved on move on completely and stop looking back. You might just turn into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife, with no progress at all especially in the area of relationships.

Again the Apostle Paul also teaches us something about not looking back. He says: “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus .” (Philippians 3:12)

So with this, you should realize that your relationship might not be the best right now, but keeping up with your ex doesn’t make things better either. So focus on your current relationship or your single life, have a goal and work towards it and God shall surely come through for you.

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Have you ever been in a relationship where you know you are in the wrong place as a child of God, yet it seems impossible to let go? Have you ever wondered why you are the only one who does all the crazy things for ‘love’ and only realise it when it is too late to make amends? You are hurt many times and treated poorly, yet you keep going back for more hurt and feel you are sinking but you just cannot help it? The reason is very simple. ‘Bedding’ came before the wedding.

Yes. You slept with your partner though you both are not married. That is why you are stuck. And because you lost control of your emotions you can barely do anything about it. Let me just put aside all the biblical proof that shows you are doing everything wrong. I know that if i tow that line you would say i am being a hypocrite and sounding ‘holier than thou’.
I want to talk to you as a human being, a social being with feelings and conscience just as yourself.

You see, the moment you start sleeping with someone, especially in the dating stage, your mind stops thinking for you. Then your heart sets in to do all your thinking and prompts your actions. Your mind knows this isn’t right, but your heart says “i am so stuck i cannot reason properly so allow me because i am in ‘love’.” You begin to do things as though you are irrational. It is very okay and safe to go all out in love in your marriage. Going all out in a relationship can be a bit dangerous because you are yet to decide if you two can share your lives forever.

When you are ‘bedding’ before the wedding you are blinded to accept any “nonsense” at all from your partner. Ever wondered why most people are domestically abused, yet they cannot seem to get out of that place which causes them so much pain? It is due to the ‘Bedding’. It snatches your sanity away from you. It makes you behave like a child in the relationship. Women are the most affected by this because they quickly connect emotionally when sex comes to play in a relationship. Men usually attach less emotions to sex so they are able to decide quickly if the relationship is heading nowhere.

If you are a lady and sleeping with your partner in a relationship, it is likely that you both might not reach your marriage goal sooner. It might take time because the gentleman might get comfortable because you have shown him all you have. There will be nothing new to anticipate so it is likely he will not be excited to marry soon. So my dear lady, stop giving to him what he must have in marriage and marriage alone. You are delaying the progress of your relationship. If he wants to leave or be sleeping around because you did not give him what he asked for then it means you were not even meant to be in the first place. A man who needs you in his life will do ANYTHING to keep you and that includes being patient enough until the relationship is due for sex.

We are most often made to believe that the best part of love to look out for has to do with how intimate you can get with a person. We mistake lust and infatuation for love everyday and if we would be very sincere with ourselves, such love that is based on feelings does not usually last or is accompanied by too many mistrust issues.

If you begin a relationship and the only interesting thing you could do together is to have sex, then kindly go back to the drawing board. I would usually hold the woman responsible for condoning the sin of fornication because she has all the power in the world to prevent it. A very high percentage of men who initiate the act of intimacy with a woman would usually wish, deep within, that the woman would say ‘no’ if you both are not a married couple and also if you are both ready to be married soon. He wishes you would say no so he can value you a little bit more than he already does. Yes, I agree, the man should control his libido yet he needs your help too. In whichever case, you both need each other’s help to stay pure.

I always say that love is never a feeling but more of a decision. If love were a feeling then you would find that you are in love with more than a dozen of people at a go just because their presence(and physical appearance) makes you feel the “electric shock”. But what you should know is that, good looking people stir up that feeling in a lot of people so take a chill pill. It is perfectly normal. Know also that feelings come and go. Feelings subside but a beautiful mind and soul always stands the same for several years. Learn to love for what is within a person than base your decision solely on what you feel. If you are in love with a person’s soul rather than their body, you will truly be peaceful in most parts of your relationship and sex won’t become a priority. You will have more control over your emotions and do things right to keep a happy relationship.

And then one important thing you can do to avoid the mistake of “‘bedding’ before wedding”is to date or enter a relationship only when you both know you are ready for marriage. That way you have little time to mess around because you have a common goal and you would be busy working towards that goal in the short term especially getting to know each other. Keep sincere friendship and build on that. It affords you the avenue to engage in other interesting stuff rather than sex. Why on earth would you be dating someone just for the fun of it and not consider having goals? I know feelings are hard to overcome but be determined to flee from any act that defiles you. Dating for too many years come with its own temptation. Do not offend God with your actions. Your body is a temple in which He dwells so do not do things that will push Him far away. Marriage should be your goal and staying married forever should be your ultimate goal. If you do not want to marry then please STAY AWAY from sex because it is for the married!

By: Angela Odame

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