THE WAIT

I know that the state of being broken is one that everyone dreads and it would be unwise to bring yourself back to that state ever again. You may not have 100% control over whether it would happen again or not. But you do have a larger percentage of the chance to bring it to its barest minimum. God has the ultimate control but He has also given you wisdom to avoid such circumstances. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to wait. Wait long enough to heal very well before you think of jumping on to the next train of relationship.

Beryl had a boyfriend, Pierre, and she adored him so much. The feeling was mutual as her boyfriend confirmed and affirmed his love for her every minute and every second of the day. They would talk several times in a day and paid each other regular visits. Now, bedding came before the wedding and things went sour between them. Eventually, they had to break up.

Beryl was so devastated at the turn of events and couldn’t stand the loss of the relationship she so much cherished. The pain was so unbearable for her that, she looked for a way to salvage her pain. She looked for a quick fix for her temporary overwhelming feeling of resentment, bitterness and sorrow. Within a few weeks she had accepted Quayson’s proposal and they were dating. She seemed happy again. Within a few months, the new relationship was on rocks again and she was so devastated. She was back to square one.

She could have waited to heal from all the hurt, blame and unforgiveness and bitterness before moving on. But she was in a hurry to get rid of the pain, so much so, that Quayeson became her emotional pain killer. Quayeson grew tired of always having to be the one to mop up the mess some other man created in Beryl’s life and that was how he began to lose interest in the relationship.

Many of us are like Beryl. We look for a quick fix for the pain we are going through after we are broken rather than going through the actual process of waiting to heal gradually. We are afraid of being alone. This has constantly been the cause of our many relationship ordeals. Until we learn to properly wait to be healed before we jump on to the next relationship, we make rash decisions and end up disappointed. This is because the state in which our mind is, isn’t the best for it to make really sound decisions. It doesn’t afford us the serenity to look out for and ask all the necessary questions before going on with the new person and this costs us dearly in the end.

Learn to wait. There is something the Bible teaches us in Isaiah 30:41about waiting:

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

(King James Version (KJV))

For the eagle to regain its strength after living forty years of its life, it has to go through a painful waiting period of five months, plucking off its talons and feathers. When the eagle is able to go through this painful process, it will live thirty more years. But if it doesn’t, it dies at forty. When you wait long enough, you will be renewed and refreshed. You gain new wisdom and knowledge to be able to identify what went wrong so that you can bounce back wiser in your next relationship.

A relationship is a walk into marriage and into the fulfilment of divine purpose. This kind of walk needs a lot of patience, and a lot of work both physically and spiritually to be able to arrive at your God-given destination. If you do not learn patience through waiting for the right and appropriate timing of God, then there is no way your relationship walk is going to end well. This is not to say that those who wait have it easy. No! No relationship is easy. But with the right conditions in place you face less challenges. In fact you are able to avoid the avoidable challenges all together when you wait patiently and in the right way.

I pray for you, that you do not feel delayed when God asks you to wait. May you find peace when the Lord is giving you rest from all the stress you knowingly or unknowingly put yourself.

Best regards,
Angie.

AFTER I AM BROKEN (SECOND PART)

Last week we looked at some of the things you need not do whiles you are working on your healing after being broken. Let’s look at what to do next.

The next thing I would like you to check is your daily routine that would take you a thousand steps closer to the freedom from the state of being broken. First of all, personal worship time, personal prayer time, personal Bible study time is really critical in this state. In fact you need to push yourself to do these. When you find yourself broken, most of the time, you cannot bring yourself to do these things with ease as your spirit is quite wounded. But hear this, these daily routines are priceless healing tools for your state.

Meditate on the word of God each day just as Joshua 1:8 prescribes. You would find this Bible verse really helpful for meditation; Isaiah 26:3. All you need at this moment is to keep your focus on God and allow Him to heal you in all the broken parts of you.

Also you would find music an amazing tool that helps to sooth your soul and spirit. Do not go a day without listening to a song that inspires and motivates you through your day. Please avoid songs that will continually remind you of your pain. Listen to GOSPEL music. I am stressing on gospel music because you cannot have enough of the word of God in this state.

Also read books, mostly Christian literature, to help you in your quest. This does two things; It builds up your knowledge base and then it helps you keep your mind off the thoughts that cause you pain.

Engage in fun activities with friends and family. You can confide in a few family and or friends whom you believe will “understand” your situation because sometimes all you really need is a listening ear and an unjudgemental eye to help you through this. Give yourself treats every now and then, pamper yourself to good food, amazing outings, gifts and new clothes. Change your environment if you can afford a few days off work or school.

Keep the memories of the other party as far away as possible. I know you may miss their company, but try as much as you can to “avoid” any encounter with them or anything that belongs to them. Avoid items and things that reminds you of them, else your progress in healing may retard or slack. You may suffer a relapse that may take longer for you to get back on your feet.

I wish you the very best in this quest of true healing. You may try everything I have given out in this write up and still fail if you do not acknowledge God and be totally dependent on Him for your healing as you work out everything humanly possible to live past your pain, your fears,anxiety, depression and bitterness.

Finally, whatever you do, don’t ever throw a pity party for yourself. You are stronger than you think you are.

Best regards

Angie.

AFTER I AM “BROKEN”(FIRST PART)

I have said in my previous post that when we feel our heart is broken, it is not broken because of a human being but broken unto God to make use of it. But then most of the time you find yourself in a state where it is hard to see things the way God does. It is hard to handle the pain and this makes you believe and think as the world thinks, that your heart is broken.

What do you do then? How do you move past the pain and hurt, guilt and regret, unworthiness, depression, anxiety and bitterness? How do you stop thinking too unnecessarily and move on. That is what I am going to help you do today. And I know also that God will help and guide you through.

I must say, it is not something you can overcome in a day, neither can you in weeks. It takes a conscious effort put in by you, daily, to achieve the goal of freedom from hurt, and forgetting people that hurt you and holding your peace. It may even take years. How fast you heal depends on you, actually, and no one else.

The best thing u can do for yourself is to remain calm and be determined to help yourself before whatever you are feeling kills you. Yes! You can die from it, so do all you can to overcome it because I need you alive.

The first step into gaining your freedom is to forgive. Forgive yourself first, forgive whoever hurt you and that is when you can be sure you have began the real journey of freedom from being broken. Unforgiveness is a burden on you alone and not on the person who has hurt you. You feel that being cold towards them is a punishment to them but it is funny how you don’t realise you are freezing your own self in the process. I haven’t seen a refrigerator feeling warm after keeping its content cold.

Free your mind and refute any negative wish and thought for that person who hurt you. Make a conscious effort to forgive him or her from your heart. You may say with your mouth you have forgiven them, but the heart they broke clings itself to memories of the hurt and pain and how much you cannot let go. This makes you say things like, “I forgive you but I cannot forget what you have done” and that is obviously not forgiveness. If you do not learn to consciously forget, those thoughts will become the poison that feeds your spirit and kills it slowly. You can become sick and bring many diseases to your body. It makes you worry. It makes you sad and these things can send you to your forefathers quicker than poison. Please do not invite yourself to your grave when God hasn’t planned to do that yet.

Another thing that keeps the pain of brokenness lingering is the act of blaming. You may think your heavy heart feels light when you blame the whole incident on the other party. But let me open your eyes to a certain truth. Actually, taking responsibility for your own actions makes your heavy heart lighter. If you learn to take responsibility for your wrong choices, or all the stuff you did wrong or probably how much you took the other party for granted at certain points in the relationship, you will be less egoistic about taking stock and filling up the loopholes in order to make you become better in your next relationship.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying you should blame yourself for your broken state, no!; I am saying that you should take responsibility for your actions and inactions, sit back and be objective about the whole situation. It is only then that you would start to feel much better. Most people take too long in healing because it is so difficult for them to come to this realisation and acceptance.

Now I would pause here to allow you to digest this for a while. Let’s Look at the remaining points next week. Do let me know how the first set of tips are aiding you in your journey in the comments section.Kindly like the post and share to as many as you can reach with this knowledge.

All the best to you

Best Regards

Angie😘

BROKEN

There are so many reasons why a relationship may not work out. Some may be personal decisions, and others may be third party interference. The third party may be friends, family, coworkers and so on. Distance can also cause a natural collapse of a relationship. Sometimes it happens suddenly. At other times, you may read certain signs that point to an end of a relationship but may ignore them due to the fact that you do not want to hurt your partner or be hurt.

Whichever way it is, a break up is never an easy thing and can lead to very dire consequences. It is neither easy for the initiator nor the one receiving the bad news. It is so difficult that sometimes, a lot of people find it hard to voice their final decision to end everything. But in my view, I think it is more tormenting to leave a person to read the signs on the wall and try to figure things out than simply letting them know how you truly feel and letting them go in a way that leaves less pain in their hearts. But do not forget that, no matter how simple a break up may look, there will always be an amount of pain lurking on either sides so be thorough in your thoughts before you finally launch out to make your decision known.

Believe it or not, there are situations where the pain of a break up is greater even on the one who initiates it. It may be that their expectations were not met or the other party is not really what they would want for a life partner due to some findings the relationship brought up. One of the consequences of a break-up is a state I call “Broken”.

You may feel down, hurt and unappreciated. At other times you feel wasted and unworthy. You would actually want to vanish from the surface of this earth or probably be away on a far away land where no one knows you, just so you get another chance to start life all over again. You may even wish not to set eyes on whoever has caused you that much pain. There are days when a shower is even a chore. Keeping yourself clean and eating well is a burden. Your heart beats faster than usual. Your breathing is heavier in your chest than you can carry. You feel light weighted and it feels as if the world is crashing in on you. Your appetite has run away from you and you do not know when it will be back. If you are not careful, you would begin to nurture hate and bitterness towards the other party.

You may turn paranoid and suspicious of everyone. Your trust is broken and you are in despair because you fear it cannot be mended. All these point to one thing, you are BROKEN. Some prefer to call it Broken-heart but I simply say broken because you realise that you are broken in many parts of yourself and not only your heart. Broken because many parts of your body and various aspects of your life are affected by this Broken state of your being. Sometimes it even affects your productivity. You could run a loss of job, family or even life in its totality.

But I have something to say to you. This can only happen if you allow a broken relationship to break you. Have a different reason to be broken, other than let a person affect you this way. Do not accept that your heart is broken but that you are broken for the Lord.

Be broken because God broke you to slow you down a bit and not that man decided to hurt you. You probably were running too fast. God will never watch you end up permanently in a relationship that will pull you away from Him and alter your destiny. If you disobey and continue to be in such a relationship, He can leave you to your will and permit you anyway. But consequence is yours alone to suffer. Be broken because it is bringing you back on your knees to God. It is bringing you back to Him so that you acknowledge Him(Proverbs 3:6) and let Him know that you are sorry you did not seek His face first before taking that step that crashed you. “Broken” because that is what God wants to use to His glory(Psalm 51:17)He will never despise a broken and a contrite heart. This is the only state that shows true repentance unto God.

Do not view your situation as a moment of grief because someone disappointed you in one way or the other. Even if you sought God’s permission, you probably could not wait for Him to confirm or otherwise. So relax. Draw near to God. He needs you back again, this time round, fully and broken, the right way, so He can have you all to Himself and mend you. So he can get your attention again because you gave it all out and left Him with no choice at all.

After an episode of “brokenness” you need to watch out and not repeat your past mistakes. You may have not made a mistake in its total sense. Things just could not work out. Maybe you were not meant for each other. Your brokenness is to help you reflect and analyse the whole situation and see how best to bounce back in full strength and wisdom in order not to suffer the same situation. Guard your heart. Do not fall in love anyhow but do so with caution, knowing that you have really prayed about it and the Lord has given you the green light. Be sure also not to awaken love before it is due(Songs of Solomon 8:4). The word of God should be your guide in making a choice too. Go into the word, find answers and allow God to help you in your next step. All of this takes time so be patient and wait on God for His right timing and you would realise how much trouble you would have saved yourself if you had walked that path right from the start.

I would also like to encourage you to pray ahead into your future relationship and marriage. Study all you can on Godly marriage and relationships while you wait for your turn. It is the best recipe to avoid all forms of trouble. In my next post, I would take you through how you can live past the pain and get over the person and the break up so watch this space.

And then watch out for me on Gye Nyame 94.5 FM as I host “Ɔdɔ Turom” (The Love Garden) very soon. It is a marriage and relationship program organised by Media Heritage Consult in conjunction with Gye Nyame FM. This program will enlighten and equip you with the tools of a God-centred relationship and marriage. It is quite different from the usual. You can’t miss out. I will keep you posted.

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THE PERFECT SPOUSE

THE PERFECT SPOUSE

It is so easy to spell out point blank what kind of a man or woman one would want to be with, especially if one plans to spend the rest of his or her life with that person. I hear a lot of people say they want a partner who doesn’t cheat, or one who isn’t jealous, or one who would respect and understand them and be so caring and sensitive to their needs physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Some would say they need a partner who is well mannered, one who loves kids and is kind and generous. One who pampers and treats them like a king or queen. It is not wrong to be clear on who you want for a spouse but there is something you need to know.

You really do not need to look for that “perfect” person to fit in your description of a preferred partner. Guess what? You have to work on becoming that “perfect” person you desire to have and then soon you would realise it is so easy to relate to that person you hope to have because you would both share the same values and even the differences between you are a complement to each other. Yes! How would you know the quality you look out for is real if you yourself do not possess that quality? There is an Akan adage that translates “it is only a witch, that can make out another witch when she sees one”.

While you wait to meet the “perfect” candidate for a spouse, or while you are with them and waiting on them to behave in a certain way that makes you feel comfortable and happy, work on becoming who you want to see in them and be exactly that way and see the miracle you would receive. You want them to be sweet? Work on becoming sweeter. You want them to be caring? Work on becoming more caring too. In relationships, you must be ready to give without expecting any reciprocation. Receiving is not automatic. Imagine how wonderful it would be if your spouse is also working on becoming who he or she wants to see in you? Relationships would be much safer, and less difficult.

Note that our perfect example as Christians, is Christ. Our whole walk with God is focused on us becoming like Christ. We are His bride and we will not see Him on “that day” until we have become like Him(1 John 3:2). Even though we do not know what Christ will look like on “that day” , we still believe that as we work on becoming like Him here on earth we will be exactly like Him when He appears. God’s word instructs us unto that. In that same manner, you might not know what your spouse would look like or be like, or you might not know what they will end up like as you are with them, but you should know that, when he or she finally shows up, you both would be like each other, embracing each other whole heartedly without fear(1 John 4:18)because you sought to work on becoming the best(like Christ) in your separate worlds, before you even meet to start a relationship.

Think through this carefully. Could it be that you haven’t met “the one” yet, because you have not become what you want to see in them? Or even if you are with them already, could it be that you are not seeing what you need to see in them yet because you have not yet come to a place of deciding to become what you want to see in them? Could it also be that God hasn’t brought “the one” who would complement you yet because they are still preparing to be who you would love to see in them? Love is full of sacrifices and compromises. Have you made up your mind to do so as you expect your spouse or future spouse to be?

Change is possible but then do not dwell so much on the fact that you want it by all means. Sometimes when you become all u need to see in your partner and still cannot bring him or her to that state of wanting to reciprocate, willingly, accept their difference and respect them for who they are. Don’t rush it or push for them to change over-night. Each one of us were raised differently and so it is understandable that we might all not behave in the same way. I pray for you, that as you work on becoming like Christ, and also as the one you are preparing to find is working on becoming like Him too, may all the lines of that relationship fall into a pleasant place.

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KEEPING UP WITH “EXES”

It’s interesting sometimes, how all of a sudden, some partners from a past ‘bad’ relationship become so caring and loving and want to be there for you always even though they never really cared in the past. Have you paused to ask yourself the real reason it is so? And have you taken the pain to find out what they actually hope to achieve by being nice to you at this point when the relationship is over?

Sometimes the relationship might not have been bad. Things just could not work out. But somehow you find yourself becoming close friends with your ex. You discuss everything from how your day has been to the state of your current relationship. You are tempted to believe that you might need their help one day so you need not shun them. But can you also try to pray and believe God to send you help when you need it most?

I agree that some exes are genuinely concerned about you. But take this from me, most of the time, that ex who is suddenly being nice has a hidden agenda. You might not agree with me but it is the reality. Most of the time they do not do it on purpose but it is the human in them.

If you have problems with your current partner and you tell your ex how unhappy you are because of how the relationship is going, he would try to comfort you and make you feel okay but deep down his or her heart it is a joy to know that somehow things are not working out well in your current relationship so that you can have a reason to miss him or her at least. He would have the chance to see you regret leaving him or her behind and that is “sweet” revenge. He did not have to do anything to see you suffer. 🙂

Then again, some exes hang around because of their guilty conscience. Yep! They know they were not fair to you in the past relationship and they are feeling guilty. So to save their face and appease their conscience they try to be there for you and be all nice just to be sure you do not take it out on them negatively. Even with this he or she would not miss an opportunity to taste your honey comb.

I have seen beautiful budding relationships shattered due to ex issues breeding mistrust. I have seen people elevating and dignifying their exes more than their current partners and that has posed a lot of problems in a lot of relationships and even marriages.

Have you also thought about issues of intimacy? Keeping exes as friends is a recipe for unfaithfulness, disloyalty and worst off, infidelity. You are only cooking up your break up or divorce and it will be ready in no time for consumption. If you have ever been intimate with your ex before breaking up with them, it would be so easy and comfortable to slip under their blankets once in a while to enjoy what you have been missing for a long time.

Getting back in touch with exes sparks up feelings that have gone dormant for a while. Ever wondered why the saying goes “old flames are the easiest to spark”? Ponder over that. What will happen eventually is that you would have to hide the existence of your ex just to be able to keep your partner on the blind side of issues so you can do “things” with your ex and you already know how that story ends.

Some exes would deliberately hang around, to keep you company and be there for you, run silly errands and be whatever you want them to be and wouldn’t mind if once in a while things get heated up and you “mistakenly” have sex. They would actually, cunningly, create that atmosphere to make it conducive for a “mistake” of a sort. They might try to apologize but it is a cycle. It will never end. They will end up doing it over and over again and keep apologizing until it becomes normal to you then you would have no choice than to go with the flow.

It is very easy to cheat or have a fling with your ex than with a new person all together because your ex has already seen your nakedness in the past so there would be nothing to want to cover up, to be shy of or afraid of.

I am just letting you know that, no matter how comfortable you are with your ex and how much you trust him or her, it is a bad idea to keep them around as friends or even as far as keeping them as best friends. You have to stay away to protect them and also yourself. Their presence in your life can affect your current relationship or even be a reason you do not want to move on into a new relationship. Exes should remain in the past because that is where they belong. Just leave them there because there is a reason they landed that position in the first place. Keep that reason in mind. If you ever forget that reason you would be taken for granted.

Things do not usually get better when old relationships are revived. Most of the time the issues that resulted in the first break up still lurks and haunts the relationship no matter how many times you try to get together. So be careful. The closest they can get is to be acquaintances. Your ex is not your enemy but he or she cannot be your pal either. Be nice when you meet him or her. Just a simple “hello, how are you?” won’t hurt. But let it remain there because no matter how strong you are, you would always have a weakness or two(check what happened to Sampson in Judges 16) and your ex might be the only one who knows your weakness. What if he or she capitalizes on that?

Be vigilant and cautious that you do not fall into the trap of keeping up with your ex because if you get stuck in that “web”, it would be hard to come out and it would make you miserable and very confused. Jesus said: “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62) If you have moved on move on completely and stop looking back. You might just turn into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife, with no progress at all especially in the area of relationships.

Again the Apostle Paul also teaches us something about not looking back. He says: “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus .” (Philippians 3:12)

So with this, you should realize that your relationship might not be the best right now, but keeping up with your ex doesn’t make things better either. So focus on your current relationship or your single life, have a goal and work towards it and God shall surely come through for you.

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‘BEDDING’ BEFORE WEDDING

BEDDING’ BEFORE WEDDING

Have you ever been in a relationship where you know you are in the wrong place as a child of God, yet it seems impossible to let go? Have you ever wondered why you are the only one who does all the crazy things for ‘love’ and only realise it when it is too late to make amends? You are hurt many times and treated poorly, yet you keep going back for more hurt and feel you are sinking but you just cannot help it? The reason is very simple. ‘Bedding’ came before the wedding.

Yes. You slept with your partner though you both are not married. That is why you are stuck. And because you lost control of your emotions you can barely do anything about it. Let me just put aside all the biblical proof that shows you are doing everything wrong. I know that if i tow that line you would say i am being a hypocrite and sounding ‘holier than thou’.
I want to talk to you as a human being, a social being with feelings and conscience just as yourself.

You see, the moment you start sleeping with someone, especially in the dating stage, your mind stops thinking for you. Then your heart sets in to do all your thinking and prompts your actions. Your mind knows this isn’t right, but your heart says “i am so stuck i cannot reason properly so allow me because i am in ‘love’.” You begin to do things as though you are irrational. It is very okay and safe to go all out in love in your marriage. Going all out in a relationship can be a bit dangerous because you are yet to decide if you two can share your lives forever.

When you are ‘bedding’ before the wedding you are blinded to accept any “nonsense” at all from your partner. Ever wondered why most people are domestically abused, yet they cannot seem to get out of that place which causes them so much pain? It is due to the ‘Bedding’. It snatches your sanity away from you. It makes you behave like a child in the relationship. Women are the most affected by this because they quickly connect emotionally when sex comes to play in a relationship. Men usually attach less emotions to sex so they are able to decide quickly if the relationship is heading nowhere.

If you are a lady and sleeping with your partner in a relationship, it is likely that you both might not reach your marriage goal sooner. It might take time because the gentleman might get comfortable because you have shown him all you have. There will be nothing new to anticipate so it is likely he will not be excited to marry soon. So my dear lady, stop giving to him what he must have in marriage and marriage alone. You are delaying the progress of your relationship. If he wants to leave or be sleeping around because you did not give him what he asked for then it means you were not even meant to be in the first place. A man who needs you in his life will do ANYTHING to keep you and that includes being patient enough until the relationship is due for sex.

We are most often made to believe that the best part of love to look out for has to do with how intimate you can get with a person. We mistake lust and infatuation for love everyday and if we would be very sincere with ourselves, such love that is based on feelings does not usually last or is accompanied by too many mistrust issues.

If you begin a relationship and the only interesting thing you could do together is to have sex, then kindly go back to the drawing board. I would usually hold the woman responsible for condoning the sin of fornication because she has all the power in the world to prevent it. A very high percentage of men who initiate the act of intimacy with a woman would usually wish, deep within, that the woman would say ‘no’ if you both are not a married couple and also if you are both ready to be married soon. He wishes you would say no so he can value you a little bit more than he already does. Yes, I agree, the man should control his libido yet he needs your help too. In whichever case, you both need each other’s help to stay pure.

I always say that love is never a feeling but more of a decision. If love were a feeling then you would find that you are in love with more than a dozen of people at a go just because their presence(and physical appearance) makes you feel the “electric shock”. But what you should know is that, good looking people stir up that feeling in a lot of people so take a chill pill. It is perfectly normal. Know also that feelings come and go. Feelings subside but a beautiful mind and soul always stands the same for several years. Learn to love for what is within a person than base your decision solely on what you feel. If you are in love with a person’s soul rather than their body, you will truly be peaceful in most parts of your relationship and sex won’t become a priority. You will have more control over your emotions and do things right to keep a happy relationship.

And then one important thing you can do to avoid the mistake of “‘bedding’ before wedding”is to date or enter a relationship only when you both know you are ready for marriage. That way you have little time to mess around because you have a common goal and you would be busy working towards that goal in the short term especially getting to know each other. Keep sincere friendship and build on that. It affords you the avenue to engage in other interesting stuff rather than sex. Why on earth would you be dating someone just for the fun of it and not consider having goals? I know feelings are hard to overcome but be determined to flee from any act that defiles you. Dating for too many years come with its own temptation. Do not offend God with your actions. Your body is a temple in which He dwells so do not do things that will push Him far away. Marriage should be your goal and staying married forever should be your ultimate goal. If you do not want to marry then please STAY AWAY from sex because it is for the married!

By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAGS CONCLUDED

RED FLAGS CONCLUDED

I could go on and on with these red flags that make you aware, to some extent, where your relationship is headed, yet, it actually depends on you if the course of the relationship will steer to a right or wrong one. It depends on you because you determine the state of your relationship with your actions. You should also know that most of the red flags we have dealt with can be worked out and the relationship can go on well but there are others that will drain you no matter how hard you try and yet fail at the long run.

Before you leap, watch out! Yes! Even as a singleton, when you have not yet made up your mind to start dating, start praying into your relationship and marriage. Before you begin a relationship with anyone be sure you have prayed about him/her. Pray about the person and your decison to let them into your life and it will save you most of the many traumatising pain most relationships go through.

If you pray in faith, you would have little red flags to deal with in the first place because the person God would lead you to would know what a godly relationship means and would do what is right most of the time. He/she will cherish you and not treat you anyhow, even in challenging times.

Sometimes we are too much in a hurry that, we awaken love when it is not due(Songs of Solomon 8:4). We see relationships as this wonderful fairytale that will always end in “happily ever after” so we quickly judge people and situations by how nice they look on the outside at that moment, jump too quickly into relationships and in the end we crash because we did not pray for the Holy Spirit to help us discern. Remember, God would always look into a person’s heart and not his/her outward appearance. See how He chose David over his big brothers when He needed a king for His people(1 Samuel 16:1-7). We let our emotions get in the way, all in the name of love but i tell you, love is more of a decision than a feeling. I weep when people go to the extent of “falling” in love with other people outside their own faith in the name of love. It is surely a recipe for disaster.

I once read a real life story of a woman who said even as a little girl, and through out her adolescent life, she kept praying about her relationship and marriage. She told God that He knows her heart cannot take the pain of break ups and all the stress of dealing with a difficult relationship so God should make her have the right man who would be her first boyfriend and at the same time her first and last husband. Lo and behold, the Lord answered her. This is a clear example of a person who acknowledged God in her ways and God indeed directed her path(Proverbs 3:5).

It is not late to acknowledge God in your relationship if you did not start off on a good note. You can still acknowledge Him now by beginning to invest prayers into your relationship. He is still able to watch your back in all your circumstances.

You will get nowhere if you lean on your own understanding, thinking that you know what you want. What about what God also wants for you? Have you thought about that? Also learn to pray together as a couple, even in a relationship setting, and also share the word of God together. Pursue God together and engross yourselves in the things of God as a team. Never compromise on your faith and above all, help each other abide by God’s word. It keeps you two together and the devil will have no space to operate in your relationship.

And then from today forth learn to see people through their hearts and what they emit from within than what u see on the outside. A lot of people are most beautiful on the inside. If only you would see them with the kind of eyes God sees them with, you would have little to worry about. You would be able to skip the bad people and bad experiences, a lot of the times, when you do this.

I leave you with PTP. Pray in faith, Trust God and be Patient enough to wait for His appointed time to accomplish what concerns you in the area of your relationship and marriage and He will bring your way that special someone who will help you fulfil your God-given purpose in life.

By: Angela Odame

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By: Angela Odame

Let’s get in touch and get talking about what bothers you in your relationship via Whatsapp on +233246251192.

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RED FLAG 6

“I make you cry more than I make you smile.”

This is something we would all bear witness to. You could be in a relationship that makes you cry your eyes out day and night. You are either constantly afraid, uncertain or too sad. You weep at night and fall asleep in tears and even the morning that is supposed to bring joy brings you sorrow. And it is very painful when your only crime was to decide to love someone. If the person you adore, cherish, dream about and want to spend the rest of your life with makes you cry all the time, you can become frustrated.

The real partner will be careful with his actions and decisions when it comes to the relationship and would do his/her best not to be directly responsible for your pain and misery. There will be challenges. Sure! Watch it if your relationship is draining you TOO MUCH emotionally. You need soundness of mind to be productive in other areas of your life and even in the relationship. Dare to be in a relationship that makes you better rather than deteriorate your progress.

You crave for affection, Time.
Attention, Security, Honesty,  Commitment, loyalty and even love but to no avail. You have laid it bare before your partner how willing you are to make things work and he/she sees the sacrifices you are making for him/her but does not value it and is unwilling to pull his/her weight.

Sometimes he/she may not do that on purpose. Sometimes it could be that you are being unreasonably too hard on yourself and on your partner. But then,  when this continues too long and it becomes too hard to take,  what do you do?

The bible teaches us to forgive whoever wrongs us but the same bible acknowledges in Proverbs 18:14 that a wounded spirit is hard to bear. The pain that causes you to cry can wound your spirit but you need your spirit strong and active for the Lord. So as you guard your heart(Prov. 4:23), you guard your spirit also to prevent wounding it.

When your partner makes you cry too much then you should know they are probably not solely committed to the relationship. It is a red flag that you need not ignore. Discuss it with your partner. There could be a way out. Probably he/she has not noticed the hurt he/she is causing and after talking, there could be amends. But if several submissions have gone in and he/she cannot still feel your pain and make a conscious effort to make you feel right, then the least said, the better. Be encouraged to see yourself worth more than you have been made to believe.

By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAG 5

If your partner abuses you emotionally…

It is easy to notice when your partner abuses you physically because the wounds that you get as a result of this kind of abuse is obvious and the scars it leaves on your body cannot be overlooked. It is easy to make a decision when you cannot take it anymore. So what if the abuse is not physical. What if it’s scars cannot be seen on your body? Does it make it less of an abuse?

Millions of people are abused emotionally and the damage it causes is far worse than the most dreadful physical abuse. A person who is emotionally abused is made to think that without the partner (in this case the abuser) he/she is nothing and cannot really be productive or do anything meaningful with his or her life.

You should notice this red flag when your partner abuses you verbally(a form of emotional abuse) by yelling at you and insulting you. He/she may put you down  by calling you names that make you feel bad about yourself and also embarrass you in front of everyone. Your partner may utterly reject you by usually ignoring your presence and your opinion or even your conversations.

You would know you are being abused emotionally if you are constantly afraid of your partner. You are afraid to be yourself in his/her presence because you might not know what would flare him/ her up in anger and at what point. An emotionally abusive partner would usually cause you to isolate yourself from the people that make you happy. He/she might go to the extent of cutting off friends and even family so he/she can have more room to opress you. Your partner may also do this to render you powerless so that you would not have anyone to run to when the situation gets worse.

In extreme cases, an emotionally abusive partner would control your money and withhold your own money from you. He might even prevent you from working and subsequently “steal” or take away the little money you depend on. They do all these to keep you solely dependent on them.

The thing with abusers is that they always blame you for making them treat you the way they do. But what you should know is that it is never your fault that they are abusive. Watch closely. You might not even be the only one they abuse so how is it your fault then? It is solely their choice to abuse you and once you allow them they would do this to you through out your walk with them.

Physical abuse can damage your body but emotional abuse damages your soul gradually and you might never be able to repair it so be brave enough to walk away from that person whose abusive nature is having a negative turn on your self-esteem or be bold enough to seek help for the both of you if need be. Emotional abuse can kill!

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By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAG 4.2

How do i know i am being lied to?(Continued) How do i deal with it?

The liar would always take a long time in answering your questions, whether verbally or via text. We all know lies take some time to be concocted,  especially when one is asked a question that he/she least expected. So watch it. If he/she takes too long to answer a question that seems to need a quick answer then begin to look out for his body language.

He/she might also get unnecessarily angry over a petty issue and walk out on you when you are not done dealing with what you have doubts about. It is his/her way of escape; he/she does not want to be found out. He/she might even end up blaming you for making him/her sad and start telling you a hard to believe “pity ” story just so you get him/her off the hook. Be vigilant.

I could go on and on and on. There are a thousand and one signs and your partner might show a few. The truth is, you know your partner better so be guided in wisdom to pin point the loop holes. Also be sure to keep track of past conversations.
People who lie will contradict themselves most of the time, so if you’re good at keeping and remembering past conversations, you’ll always find them out.

Now, after you have noticed that your partner is being too economical with the truth, do not go accusing him/her and getting mad and blaming him for everything. You need to relax. Sometimes you would not have to even confront him/her. The truth will come out on its own. Even if you would want to confront him/her, do that only when you have evidence that they have lied.

Find the right time and place and the right atmosphere. Especially when he or she is in the best of moods and put your facts before him/her. Do not make it sound too serious. Ease off the tension by looking at the issue on a lighter note every now and then. Give him a chance to explain him/herself. Find out from your partner the reason why they have had to lie to you on those occassions. They might have a genuine reason. Be careful also not to rule out the fact that the reason he/she might give can also be another lie.

Let him/her know that this behaviour is something you are not happy about. Let him/her know how the lies affect your emotions. You might also want to consider a few things before you decide to let the lies go.

Does your partner lie to you often? Does he/she lie about serious issues that he has no excuse to lie about? Have you confronted him/her about the lies before? How many times have that been? And has it caused any change of behaviour on the part of your partner? Does he/she still lie to you even after several confrontations and even after letting him know how you feel about it? How do the lies and dishonesty affect the relationship?

If you answer negatively to most of these questions then you might have to ask yourself if this is what you truly want for a relationship. Because it is obvious this is going to be a never ending cycle. You either cope or ‘walk.’

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By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAG 4.1

How do i know i am being lied to?

Now, that is a difficult thing to know because most partners who lie, know how to cover their trails. What is important is the reason behind their lie and the frequency of their lies. And then if you feel you are being lied to just relax and watch the truth unfold before your very eyes. Patience is key in getting to find a liar out. The lie cannot be hidden for too long.

There are so many reasons why people lie and they can be categorised into four: to hide something from their victim, to make the liar feel he/she is on top of his/her game(and feel more important than they actually are), to hurt the other person and lastly to avoid hurting the other person. Whatever the reason may be, finding the person out is far important.

Watch out for his/her body language as he/she speaks. He might shy away from making eye contact or keep contact with your eye in an unusual way,  usually in over-confidence,  because he/she knows what it means not to keep eye contact when he is truly lying. He/she might scratch his head or nose and you will sense the uneasiness in them if you are very observant. The tone of his/her voice changes during a lie session; the voice becomes shaky and you will sense the nervousness in his tone.

Some people will suddenly change the subject of discussion right after telling a lie and this is to take your attention off the fact that he could possibly be lying and also avoid further questioning on that particular subject. Most of the time, liars have different versions of the same story they have told before. You would notice that his stories are not consistent. Truth is consistent because you would not forget what you actually said or did days or even weeks back. 

Most of the time, liars would rather shift the blame on you and make you feel guilty. A liar would always turn the tables and make you feel you are only being paranoid and “crazy”. He/she will accuse you of the very thing you are accusing him/her of and this will put you in a position to defend yourself while he/she relaxes from all the pressure.

In my next write-up,  i intend to add up a few more of the signs and help you on how to handle the situation when you find out you are being lied to. So hold on and do not take any action yet if you have noticed you have been a victim of your partner’s lieing tongue.

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By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAG 4

“Mr/Miss Liar…”

Watch out when your partner starts spewing too good to be true stories and mostly do not have his/her actions matching his/her words. The least said the better. Being too secretive and telling too many lies is definitely a red flag. Why would you ignore something like that? Especially when you keep finding them out.

The liar in the relationship lies about everything: from their actual date of birth to where they actually are as you speak with them over the phone. They can lie about whether or not they are seeing someone else apart from you. You know the lies and can name them. Maybe you can make a list so that it becomes clear to you. Being lied to is no fun at all especially when you know the person has no justifiable excuse at all.

There is no room for dishonesty when it comes to love. No room at all. If someone loves you enough they will open themselves up to you and not go all shady with some aspects of their lives. Shady people are liars to the core even when they are caught red handed. They know how to cover up their “behind.”

A person who is full of lies does not like to apologise because of a deep seated perception he/she has about apologies. He/she feels once he/she apologises you might think they are guilty of what you are confronting them on.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop lying to yourself. Yeah! Stop making excuses for him/her. The reason they won’t stop lieing is because it seems you enjoy being lied to. Lieing partners know what you want to hear and they give it to you in a good dose. They know the part of you that is craving fulfilment and they use lies to satisfy (temporarily)that part of you.

Trust your instinct as usual if you feel you are being lied to and pay attention to details. Truth is, if he/she is lieing about the minor things then he/she is probably lieing about some major stuff. This is serious and needs a lot of careful observation in order to inform your decision. Love yourself enough to take the toughest decision now than break into pieces later.

By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAG 3

You cannot know how i feel towards you…

Like really? Could you possibly rewind and come again? It is okay if you have been seeing each other in a short while and both of you do not want to suffocate each other with being too expressive. But then some months into the relationship is enough to be comfortable to tell you partner “I love you”

If your partner does not say it back and goes like “aaawww thank you for loving me” then he or she is waving a red flag at you. If your partner avoids saying it in totality then there are two things involved.
It is either he or she doesn’t feel it at all or you are both not on the same level in relation to how much you love each other.

You cannot always be on the same level but once it is there, it must be expressed. Silent love is always equal to no love. Men usually take a lot of time to start expressing how they feel. Women are quick to express. But there should not be a metre on your expressions(i only say it when he or she says it). It should flow freely. And you will know it if it is said out of compulsion.

It should be natural and feel real. It should be at random. You will just know it if it is. The look in his or her eyes and the tone of voice when he or she says it will just give him or her away. Anything short of that is very frustrating. You would always keep wondering if he or she loves you or not. That is so difficult. Just watch it!

Then also when your partner has not said it yet, watch out for other signs that tell that he or she loves you but is only taking time to say it. He calls often and plainly cares about you and he is proud to let everyone know you belong together. You could hold on a while. But i believe that if it is real one cannot hold it in for long. One would just say it and if you cannot say it, then he or she is a suspect. Winks!

By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAG 2

Ssshhhhh… “we ” are a secret.

It is sad but sometimes you are tempted to ignore this sign because you may feel ” let me not rush. One step at a time ” but hey, you can still take one step at a time when everyone that matters to you both, know that you two are in a relationship. Unless maybe you do not plan to take the relationship through all the necessary phases and arrive at the ultimate phase, which is marriage(in our part of the world especially)

I keep saying this, if no one can know about your relationship then it is better you are not in a relationship anyway because there will be nothing to be working at. You need to meet the people that matter to him or her. The way he or she relates to them will sometimes inform you on who your partner really is.

If you have been seeing each other for more than 6 months and the people that matter to him or her do not know about you concerning the relationship then you do not matter to him or her at all. He or she is probably screaming into your ears:” I am taking you for a ride! “So pay attention and do him or her the honors by taking a bow. To the extreme extent, you might not even be allowed to know where he or she actually lives.

I am not saying he or she should drop your pictures all over social media and write your name against it or caption it ” my sweet bae ” but at least you should have been introduced to his or her parents or siblings. Even if his or her friends know and the family is not aware, it doesn’t hold water.

If he or she truely is into you then this will be done effortlessly without you even mentioning it. It becomes hard only when one is not sure you are “the one. ” Respect yourself enough to be around someone who cannot wait to take you home.

So watch it closely and always trust your intuition. Do not make a mistake by making excuses for your partner and go years without meeting any of his folks. Meeting them gives the relationship some level of stability and it is very critical in every relationship.

We show off our priceless possessions. It is only the things we do not value that we try to hide. Do not allow yourself to be hidden under the carpet. You deserve better. You are valuable.

By: Angela Odame

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RED FLAG 1

One-sided…

Have you ever been in a relationship and wondered if you are the only one in it? It probably is true how you feel. One of the things i would like you to really do is to trust your intuition. Yes! Trust your gut feeling that what you feel is actually what it is. It helps, most of the time.

Accept the fact that it is possible you might be the only one in love and having a relationship all by yourself even though you can physically see your partner beside you. He might be far from you emotionally. You are working so hard to keep things on track in the relationship but the other person would never pull their weight.

Have you realised that you are the one who ALWAYS gets to innitiate phone calls and text messages? And even if your partner does innitiate once in a while, it is only to get your assistance for something important to him or her. And the most painful part is that if you do not innitiate any form of communication then there will be no communication at all.

Have you also noticed that he or she never really returns a favor? He or she asks you to help him or her out in a lot of ways but when it is your turn they suddenly become busy or are always not in a position to help out. I am not saying you should do good and expect something in return. No! Truth is your gut will tell you he or she just does not want to help out.

You would find him choosing his friends over you all the time. When you complain it turns into an argument and it looks like you are trying to take him away from his friends. What makes it one-sided is that you would find yourself leaving everything including your friends, just to be with him or her but he or she would never do that for you.

He or she usually ignores relationship problems. When there is something you need to trash out to bring peace, he or she ignores it and make it look like you are the one creating the problem for YOURSELF. And mostly you will find yourself either solving the issue ALONE or you would have to ignore it all together. If you find this happening over and over again then you probably are the only one in the relationship.

Most of the time he or she does not care about you or anything concerning you. He or she does not want to know about your family, friends, your future plans and goals and so on. But you catch yourself showing care and concern all the time and it is never reciprocated. Watch it! Try relaxing on all the things you innitiate for a while in order to get a clearer picture on what is actually happening.

If you are ready to continue feeling alone like this for the rest of your life then more grease to your elbows. If not, then you know what to do. Use this as a guide to check all the one-sidedness in your relationship and decide quickly.

By: Angela Odame

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.

IT’S A WRAP

The last pill has been swallowed and i pray it is able to cause a positive change in your relationship as you make a conscious effort to make things work. We have learnt that in reality fights are inevitable in relationships, you should not always
try to win an argument, resentment may crop up in your relationship, there will be challenges and
then most of the time the problem is usually caused by you.

Now, in as much as we try to hold on and work things out in our relationships, we cannot rule
out the fact that some relationships are not really worth our time and energy. Some are a total waste of time and only drain you emotionally. Watch out for those. I would like to give you the tell tale signs that show that you are in a dangerous relationship. A
dangerous relationship is one that is heading nowhere; one that has no goal at all. I term these signs RED FLAGS.
So keep your fingers crossed as i enlighten you. There are some that can be easily corrected.
Others too would just need to be thrown over the wall. In which ever case, just be poised for action.

Thank you for always reading my posts and giving me feedback. I really appreciate it. It has been a wonderful journey so far with you. Let us continue to learn to make things better in our relationships.

By: Angela Odame

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BITTER PILL 5

Sometimes the problem is you…

This is very hard to accept but it is the truth. Sometimes the problem in the relationship is not your partner but yourself. Yep! You might be causing most of the tension in the relationship and blaming it on your partner. We would all agree, that blaming others for how we feel is way easier than accepting that we actually contributed to it.

I am not saying your partner is always right and not to be blamed for anything. No! I mean sometimes you have to have a different perspective and check yourself. You might be doing something very wrong and shifting blames.

If you would search yourself and actually do a very thorough check, there are so many positive changes you can make concerning your behaviour and attitude that can help your relationship grow to a desired height.
.
Your partner can help you do this but he or she cannot do it for you. You should have a sincere chat with your partner and find out from each other what you have been doing wrong that brings some sort of a tension. Ask about your attitude and behaviour that do not go down well for you both and be ready to accept the truth about yourself. Also be prepared to work on it, whatever it takes to get better.

Do not flare up and go all angry and grumpy because you were told the truth about yourself. The best person to assess you, apart from yourself (concerning how you are doing in the relationship)is your partner. If you show that you are unhappy because he or she told you the truth about yourself, then you will never get better because he or she may begin to become economical with the truth about yourself just to save you the stress.

You can bring out the best version of yourselves if you can be sincere with each other, without any of you feeling judged or victimised. If you are in a good relationship, you can only become better because you will work things out together and become the best. It may be tough through these moments, but it will be worth it after all.

By: Angela Odame

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BITTER PILL 4

The relationship will be challenging at times…

I have mentioned this before and it will probably be one of the things you will catch me mentioning often in my posts. It is the fact that every relationship needs work and that it is never a bed of roses. Things will never be as smooth as it begun. It will have its up moments and down moments.

Do not expect your partner to be sweet and loving and kind and superb always. Reality is, he or she will be mean, unloving and unkind and insensitive sometimes. Yes! The earlier this is sunk in the better. This may make you doubt if you are making the right decision by choosing to be with him or her.

You should understand that you both come from different backgrounds and as such you might each have preferences and views which are not alike. You both might have different ways of dealing with difficult situations in your lives that might affect the other negatively. This can be challenging at times.

Compatible couples are those who have a lot of similar views and preferences. They might not need too much work to stay together. There are other couples who might need a lot of COMPROMISING to have a happy and lasting relationship. You have to identify which kind your relationship is and work on it in this light.

You will get frustrated at times with most of your partner’s behaviour but in all that you can only be supportive and patient and try to understand him or her. Anything short of that will end up bringing tension into the relationship. Understand that some issues can never be resolved. So do not hold on to resentments and do not try to always win an argument. Always remember it is a partnership rather than a competition so you both must be willing to work at it together.

And know that the best relationship is the one which has gone through everything that should have destroyed it but still stands against all odds. So hold on and keep praying for each other. Do not give up yet!

By: Angela Odame

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BITTER PILL 3

Resentment will pop its face at you…

Yeah! This pill is the most bitter one but it is real. It happens all the time. Let me help you with a little definition of what resentment is:

“A feeling of anger or displeasure stemming from belief that one has been wronged by others or betrayed.” (The English Dictionary; online)

I just need you to be real right now. How many times have you not felt this way towards your partner? You sometimes wonder if your partner cares about you because it looks as if almost always he or she is doing something to hurt you and mostly repeating the same stuff you have complained about. A lot of the times he or she does not even know they hurt you or to what extent.

The truth is, your partner is not perfect. Neither are you, so it is high time you switch from” if you hurt me i will hurt you back” to “though i am hurt, i decide to let go and never bring it up again” especially when it looks as if you will both never arrive at an agreement on a particular issue.

Holding on to hurts and adding them up in your mind will accumulate and only hurt you both. It will end up poisoning the relationship.And for the records, resentment is by far the number one killer of relationships.

So if there is something your partner did to hurt you, sometimes you should DECIDE to overlook it (Not when it involves cheating though) and not mention it all together. Talk about it with your partner if you think you need clarification but still let go anyway because a lot of the times he or she might not even accept his or her fault.

And please never bring up dead issues always, referring to how much your partner hurt you in the past even though he already apologised. It only puts a strain on the relationship.

Resentment creeps in when you keep records of past wrongs. If you resent your partner, you might end up not treating him or her well and this will make him or her resent you back. Read this about love:

NIV
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
-1 Corinthians 13:5-

By: Angela Odame

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BITTER PILL 2.1

So yesterday i got people bombarding me with some questions. Seems all the questions were pointing to the same thing.

“How do i say sorry when i do not want to? Would’nt I end up saying it without really meaning it?”

The actual truth is that you are not going to apologise just because you want your partner to “shut up”. The motive here is that you do not want to drag the argument to a point where you begin to trade hurtful words with each other to the extent of breeding resentment with those words much later. Resentment we all know can cause more harm in the relationship than good; it can even break it.

You would have to do it out of love and anything done out of love can only be sincere. You will do it with the intention to calm your partner down, bearing in mind how much the relationship means to you. You would have to put your partner’s feelings above yours at this point. Practise empathy. Put yourself in his or her shoes and try to understand their point of view first. So instead of saying…

“Sorry. Let’s just end this argument. It is pointless.”

Try saying…

“Darling, Please calm down. I am so sorry for working you up this way. I do not like to see you upset because it hurts me when you are hurting. Please forgive me. I did not mean to upset you.”

You won’t be apologising for being right or wrong but for the fact that the argument had to start in the first place. It is much easier this way.

And also note that your tone and attitude when apologising matters. Calm yourself down first, so you do not do it in anger. Else it will look like you do not mean it and your partner might not pay attention.

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BITTER PILL 2

You would be better off saying sorry than winning an argument…

I mentioned in my previous post that when tempers are so high, just stop arguing and calm down and look at the whole issue much later. And the best way to end an argument is by saying “I’m sorry .”
So easy right? But lets get to the part that makes it bitter to swallow.

Say sorry even when you know you are right and your partner is wrong. Yes! Very hard. But it is better to be sorry than to be right. Sometimes the hurt is too much for you but still say sorry, for peace first and much later your grievances to be heard. You will get your “sorry” back in a much sincere and comforting way.

So to the ladies especially, do not go days with a grudge in your heart against your partner. You only hurt yourself more and end up not being heard at all.

Saying sorry even when you are right doesn’t mean you are defeated or weak but rather it means you value the relationship enough to swallow your pride.

“BE SELECTIVE IN YOUR ‘BATTLES’. SOMETIMES PEACE IS BETTER THAN BEING RIGHT.”
-WOMENWORKING-

By: Angie Darling

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WhatsApp back to 0263254818 and join us)

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BITTER PILLS(Reality Checks)

It is so easy and very tempting to think and believe that entering a relationship is going to solve all your problems of lonliness and unhappiness. Let us face facts. Most of the time we end up disappointed. This is because the truth is, we are lazy in working towards our relationships. We would rather sit back and let the relationship dangle itself into whatever direction it pleases.

A relationship is never a bed of roses. Every relationship needs serious work. Until you face this reality and take responsibility for your actions, things are not going to go down too well on your relationship road. Here, let me help you swallow some bitter pills. It will help you snap yourself out of the fairytale and the Telenovela mode. In this write up i will give you one pill to swallow each day. The dose will last five days and you will be cured of all your temporary emotional misinformations and Misconceptions and handle the reality with maturity when it happens.

Bitter Pill 1

Fights are inevitable…

Most of the time you could ask yourself in the early stages of your relationship, “What can ever make us fight.” I mean you are both so in love and feel the connection strongly. You are passionate about each other and it feels as if the compatibility will sustain you both and that you will never do anything to hurt each other.

But one reality you should face is that you cannot do away with fights which spring up as a result of misunderstandings and arguments in your relationship. Even the seemingly most compatible couples fight at times. Sometimes fights are necessary to clarify certain issues in the relationship. It will mostly also let you know other sides to your partner that needs patience to deal with.

Your goal should not be to never fight but it should be to fight well. Fighting that involves yelling and insults and walking out on each other is not healthy. Fighting well means you fight not into bitterness but into ‘betterness’. The fight should end in a resolution rather than a dissolution. If tempers are too high just stop the argument until much later when u are both calm and ready to reason together and iron out your differences amicably. But never leave a misunderstanding hanging for so long.

Note that if you are able to handle your fights well you become strong as a couple. What else can break you if a fight could not? If you do not, then it can rip the relationship apart.

When misunderstandings crop up and arguments are heated up, remind yourselves constantly that you are both a team and it is best to work for each other rather than work against each other. It feels good when u make your partner feel worse than how he or she has made you feel but it is not the best thing to do. Retaliation will only retrogress the progress of the relationship.

“YOU CANNOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT FIGHTS, BUT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORTH THE FIGHT.”
-SABRINA-

By: Angie Darling

#iamyourinformalrelationshipcoach

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#Harshrelationshiprealities